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Why am I so favoured?

This is the question Elizabeth asked Mary, a young, single, mother-to-be. And this is the question I too should have been asking in all my troubles over the years. Instead, I recited the wrong ones…

  • Why won’t you hurry up, God, and answer my prayers?
  • How can I survive in this intolerable situation?
  • Don’t you care, God?

But God has been helping me redirect my focus – to look for what is good. And that is hard for me to do, for everything in my heart cries out against these injustices, it cries out against the cruel behaviour of others.

So, today, I celebrated my father’s death, for 33 years ago today, he suddenly died. Derek and I shared an ice cream sundae, and rejoiced in the bravery my father had to admit that he had done wrong. We thanked God for the occasions where he stood up against wrong. We agreed that because of his severity, I grew much deeper in faith.

So, I celebrate with Elizabeth for God’s favour in hard times.

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CONFESSIONALS

On occasion, my adult children recount stories from the past. ‘Oh, by the way, Mum, I never told you about the time I nearly cut myself in half, bicycling through a field in the night.’ Or, ‘Remember the time I came home late? I was walking along the top of that cliff, but I never told you that I forgot to take my torch.’

I have come to learn – 1) that these are confessions, but not ones of penitence. 2) that I don’t need to forgive, for these are the wisdom-growing adventures of independence.

But when these confessions do surface, I always turn to God in thanks for his promise concerning my children: ‘The Lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life.’ (Psalm 121:7).

(photo by Lucas Pezeta – www.pexels.com)

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From bricks to forgiveness…

This past week, I spent hours upcycling old bricks, chipping off old cement. But I also spent those hours thinking about Nelson Mandela. As a prisoner, he too chipped away at stones in a quarry, and after 27 years, he still could forgive.

If he had the courage to do that, so could I. So, I chipped and prayed about a painful situation… Then it dawned on me – God is above every manipulation, and no one can ruin his plans.

I finished that pile of bricks and late that night, I stopped fretting about my apparent ruin. I was still on track in God’s eyes. I could forgive. I could leave bitterness behind, because God is above all.

(photo by Magda Ehlers: https://www.pexels.com)

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Moving on…

Someone asked me, “How do you cope with your emotions when someone has been unkind to you?”

“I have a melt-down,” I said, “and then another one. But afterwards, I try to look to God. It’s hard, though, because all my attention is drawn towards that person, reliving the hurt and wanting justice. But as I read my Bible and pray, I find the strength to look away. I can forgive.”

“I suppose forgiveness lasts forever.”

“Not for me,” I said. “Something will happen and it triggers a memory. I’ll have another melt-down, because, an injustice is always unjust. But I can find God again. I can forgive again, and I can move on.”

“The important thing is to move on. Isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

Photo by Jude Beck on Unsplash

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That surprising twist

The other day I told someone how I had royally messed up, but that God had used it to get me back on track, and good had come out of it.  The person went silent for what seemed like a minute. “Oh no!” I thought. “I have offended them.”

When the person finally spoke, it was slow and deliberate. “That… is… exactly… what… happened to me… Thanks so much for sharing… It gives me hope.”

Isn’t this what God’s humour is like? It’s brilliant! The weak make others strong. The poor make others rich. The imprisoned set others free. Those who mess up, spread hope. God always finishes with a surprising twist. He says, “There is a… time to laugh.” (Ecclesiastes 3) Now is a good time!

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It is God.

You might remember… my memoir wasn’t published because of a threat of legal action. A full year later the threat still exists. Yup! It’s an accomplishment that deserves the equivalent of a boy-scout badge.

It was also a test to find out what is really inside me. Sure, I found anger and the desire for revenge, but I also found something else. The strength to get back up. The ability to forgive. The courage to consider that I might be getting another badge next year.

I find God does that with troubles. He uses them to teach us about ourselves. He uses them to make us deeper and truer. “It is God who arms us with strength and makes our way perfect.” (from Psalm 18:32) It is God.

 

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“Get me out of this mess!”

Sometime I feel like that thief on the cross. “Jesus! Get me out of this mess! I’ve been hung out to dry! It wasn’t my fault, really.”

clothes hung out to dryJesus looks over from his cross. “You might not have noticed, but I am with you.”

“No!” I cry. “I don’t want you to stay with me. I want you to save me.”

Jesus tries to shift himself so that he can breathe. “You might not have noticed… I am!“

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You meant it for evil…

Joseph thought he could forget his past. Even if his brothers had sold him into slavery, and he spent years in prison as an innocent man, now he was the second highest leader in Egypt. He could truly say, “God has made me forget all my hardship and all my father’s house.” (Genesis 41:51) He had conquered his pain.

Twenty-two years later he meets his brothers, and Joseph realizes nothing has been dealt with. He is so confused he throws his brothers into prison for three days. It takes Joseph several years before he says, “Brothers, you meant it for evil, but GodDSC_0126 meant it for good.” (Genesis 50:19)

Joseph faced his past. I have had to as well, and get to that same final point. God takes evil, and uses it for good.