Tag: boundaries

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That dangerous weapon called anger…

It can happen so fast. Out of the blue, someone can blame us for their relational problems. ‘It’s all your fault that people don’t talk with me.’

It happened to me and it surprised me that they give me so much sway. In another, it horrified. They wanted me to take responsibility for their actions and anger. They wanted me to smooth things over.

I declined the job offer, so they instantly changed tactic – using shame. Maybe now I would fulfill their wishes if I felt they were the victim.

I had to walk away. I read the Bible. It said, ‘I have heard the insults.*’ I could rest, because anger isn’t the way to make friends.

(photo by Piet Bakker: pexels.com) *Zephaniah 2:8

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When taken hostage by gaslighting…

It can be deeply painful when someone hates us for doing good. It hurts when our sense of justice is mocked, because it doesn’t bow to their demands. The Bible puts it so well. ‘You have turned justice into poison and the fruit of righteousness into bitterness’ (Amos 6:12). These kinds of people will try to poison us, to gaslight us into agreeing with their reality.

But the Bible guides us when we are in danger of being taken as a hostage: ‘They shall never enter my rest’ (Psalm 95:11). We can say, ‘NEVER!’ We can say, ‘No! You can’t come in! You will not disturb my rest.’ We can choose who we let into our lives. We can choose those who love good.

(photo by Leonie Fahjen: pexels.com)

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The simplicity of boundaries

It is a fact that I struggle with boundaries, especially when I am uncertain of what someone thinks of me, especially if their opinion matters to me. If they ask me to do something, and I am already stretched, I will still try to please them. I will give in.

This morning I read a verse which redefined this boundary for me. It also showed me my heart. “All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matthew 5:37). My instant reaction – “Ouch!” and “Oh!”

“Ouch!” – When I try to please others to the detriment of myself, I despise the One who created me, who gave me my physical and emotional limits.

“Oh!” – It is that simple. I don’t have to justify myself. A “Yes” or “No” is enough.

photo by cottonbro studio: https://www.pexels.com

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Where love runs out…

Seven years ago, while travelling internationally, I sat in a cafe waiting for someone to turn up. Earlier, this woman had telephoned me, weeping, saying she needed to talk with me right now. So I cut short a meeting, caught a train to the cafe where we had arranged to meet.

I sat there for three hours, and when this person finally arrived, there were no tears. She laughed instead and told me it had been a ‘test’ to see how much I loved her.

You can imagine my anger and hurt, and maybe even that every bit of love I felt for this person disappeared. For human love is like that – if it is abused or used, it runs out.

I prayed for God to give me his love, because I didn’t know what it looked like in this situation. And since I heard no voice from heaven, I bought this person a cup of coffee and a cake. We chatted a bit. But then I stood up and walked out, leaving her to sit alone.

Whether I did right or wrong, I don’t know. But I learned that there are two kinds of love, mine and God’s. I learned that mine isn’t enough and only God could help me now.

Photo by Maria Orlova: https://www.pexels.com