Category: I don’t know how to find beauty

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Ending the war in our mind…

All sorts of voices can fill our minds. Belligerent ones of those who condemn. Gentle ones of those who love. But the loud ones often win the battle in taking over our minds.

I had thought that if ever those loud voices ceased, the battle would stop. It didn’t. My mind filled up with hurt instead, and this became as loud as those condemnations.

It has taken me years to stop the war. It came through writing those condemnations down, recording in detail what happened. And then I discovered why I kept reliving my past – I didn’t want to ever forget it. But by moving it from my mind to paper, enabled the memories to keep on going, just not inside my head.

Writing can end the war in our minds. And then we can hear the gentler voices around.

(photo by Lance Reis: pexels.com)

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Finding the reason to live…

I have been to places so profoundly dark, that I couldn’t see my hand, even when I waved it in front of my eyes. Because, the absence of light is darkness.

I have been in places where leaders didn’t care if I was happy or sad, so long as they had control. They didn’t care if I was dying inside, as long as I did it in silence. But the absence of care is actually cruel. The absence of love invokes fear.

I have also experienced people who believed in me, who dared to tear down the blinders which had tricked me into darkness. Because – and this is true for many of us – in the presence of those who love us and care, we find our reason to live. We find that their ‘perfect love casts out fear.’*

*1 John 4:18 / (photo by RUN 4 FFWPU: www.pexels.com)

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What do you see?

Fifty years ago today, I prayed, “Dear God, please be my boss.” I was starry-eyed and fourteen. Life would be grand. But God redefined my definition of ‘grand’.

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I used to walk past a house with rusty paint pots lined up out front. It took me years to notice the red geraniums that grew in each one. Those horrid pots distracted my gaze and I totally missed the grand.

There is so much that is grand. A person who can still laugh even though wracked with pain. A person who can forgive even though an injustice still causes havoc in their life. A person who can finally push aside fear and speak up for the silenced.

These are the things that still leave me starry-eyed, and I never want to lose their grandeur.

Photo by Joel Muniz on Unsplash