Retrospect…

My wedding day was certainly tough. Someone stepped in and caused trouble on all sides. Then, at the reception, my granny gave me an unwrapped, tattered, black leather Bible. I had thought wedding gifts should be new!

I thanked her and flicked it open just for a second. Yellowed pages. Marked and underlined verses. I can’t tell you how sad I felt. So, I left that Bible untouched, unread. Ten years later, I sent it to a relative.

Fifteen years passed and I travelled the several thousand miles to visit this relative. They told me that during my wedding reception, my granny had stepped aside and sat quietly in a corner with that Bible on her lap. Her head was bent down as she underlined verses. ‘I didn’t know that!’ I said, surprised.

‘You should read it,’ this relative said. ‘Those verses are for you.’ Then they hurried to fetch the Bible and gave it back to me.

Out of curiosity, I opened it and searched. A whole series of passages had been marked, but it surprised me because these were my favourites as well. All these years later, I discovered that God had taken her down a similar path. Both of us had concluded that God is good, even in the midst of intense sadness. Both of us loved him.

I kept on flicking, page after page and God spoke deep into my heart. Here is one of those passages:

‘As they pass through the Valley of Baka (or Weeping), they make it a place of springs… For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; the Lord bestows favour and honour; no good thing does he withhold from those whose way is blameless’ (Psalm 84:6, 11).

Our troubles don’t define us, God does.

Don’t be afraid when life changes…

We can write out the perfect script for our lives. We can live out our story with all our heart. We can set the scenes, but things don’t always go to plan.

We cry out to God and he hears our prayers. And then he steps in with his clapperboard. He tells us that the script is in need of change and that he has known it all along. But it takes us time to accept the pause and to realise that our first script was riddled with plot holes.

So, now he is writing and keeping it secret. Now he is changing the narrative. Don’t be afraid. Go with God’s plan.

(photo by Matin Lopez: https://www.pexels.com)

To begin again…

I was 27 and didn’t know how to cope. I thought my life should revolve around pleasing others, but I was never good enough. I could never be enough. Finally I had a breakdown. Sure, I acknowledged that God was all-loving. I agreed that he had created me unique and beautiful, but I didn’t know how to live it.

All pretending stopped as I lay there shivering on my bed. I could no longer be strong, brave, or even good. It was just me and God, and to my astonishment, he still loved me. And he came to me, just as he has come to millions of others, “to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners” (Isaiah 63:1). I would live again.

Six months later I went back to work, and it took another three years to recover, but, I finally knew who I was – BELOVED.

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