Category: boundaries

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When taken hostage by gaslighting…

It can be deeply painful when someone hates us for doing good. It hurts when our sense of justice is mocked, because it doesn’t bow to their demands. The Bible puts it so well. ‘You have turned justice into poison and the fruit of righteousness into bitterness’ (Amos 6:12). These kinds of people will try to poison us, to gaslight us into agreeing with their reality.

But the Bible guides us when we are in danger of being taken as a hostage: ‘They shall never enter my rest’ (Psalm 95:11). We can say, ‘NEVER!’ We can say, ‘No! You can’t come in! You will not disturb my rest.’ We can choose who we let into our lives. We can choose those who love good.

(photo by Leonie Fahjen: pexels.com)

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Ruined…

Recently, bulldozers moved in, levelling a wood and meadow. The carnage was brutal, with splintered branches and uprooted trees. And when those bulldozers moved out, they left behind a permanent change.

So, why did I think it could be any different with relationships? For some reason, I thought that when a destructive person moved away, everything would snap back to normal. I thought that people could simply bounce back into being happy and whole, that things would be okay.

Now I know it takes a long time to rebuild. I know the scenery has permanently changed. But, there is hope. With God, I am working at pushing broken logs to one side. Maybe kindness and love will take root.

(photo by Boris Hamer: pexels.com)

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‘Call me, Bitter.’

That was what Naomi said when she lost her husband and two sons. She said, ‘Don’t call me Naomi. Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter’ (Ruth 1:20). And in her deep grief, she tried to drive away those she loved.

God’s exiled people experienced the same in nature. They came to a spring, but ‘they could not drink its water because it was bitter’ (Exodus 15:23). They backed away from it and rejected it, because bitterness has a way of driving others away.

But God stepped into both situations. God gave Naomi a grandson through the very person she tried to reject. He cured the water for his exiled people, the very water they refused to drink. And God will do the same for us. Let’s not drive others away in our great sadness and bitterness of heart, for it is often through these people that we find God’s hope.

image: pexels-yaroslav-shuraev-8968077.jpg

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Can anything good come out of litigation?

NO and YES.

Exactly 8 years ago my memoir, ‘On Unclipped Wings’ was accepted by a major Christian publisher, but then threatened with litigation. And 4 years ago today, I self-published it. That threat was meant to silence me and it almost did.

But, all things do work together for good to them that love God (Romans 8:28). I learned that each of us has a voice, unique to us, and that God wants each of us to speak. I learned that no one can thwart God’s will in my life, or anyone’s life, for that matter. I learned that I was an expert at accepting failure, but now God wanted me to learn how to succeed.

My memoir is still barred from traditional publishing, but God is my constant comfort. For, even though he chose not to protect me from the threat of litigation, he is and always will be good.

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The simplicity of boundaries

It is a fact that I struggle with boundaries, especially when I am uncertain of what someone thinks of me, especially if their opinion matters to me. If they ask me to do something, and I am already stretched, I will still try to please them. I will give in.

This morning I read a verse which redefined this boundary for me. It also showed me my heart. “All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matthew 5:37). My instant reaction – “Ouch!” and “Oh!”

“Ouch!” – When I try to please others to the detriment of myself, I despise the One who created me, who gave me my physical and emotional limits.

“Oh!” – It is that simple. I don’t have to justify myself. A “Yes” or “No” is enough.

photo by cottonbro studio: https://www.pexels.com