Category: boundaries around the past

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When taken hostage by gaslighting…

It can be deeply painful when someone hates us for doing good. It hurts when our sense of justice is mocked, because it doesn’t bow to their demands. The Bible puts it so well. ‘You have turned justice into poison and the fruit of righteousness into bitterness’ (Amos 6:12). These kinds of people will try to poison us, to gaslight us into agreeing with their reality.

But the Bible guides us when we are in danger of being taken as a hostage: ‘They shall never enter my rest’ (Psalm 95:11). We can say, ‘NEVER!’ We can say, ‘No! You can’t come in! You will not disturb my rest.’ We can choose who we let into our lives. We can choose those who love good.

(photo by Leonie Fahjen: pexels.com)

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Ruined…

Recently, bulldozers moved in, levelling a wood and meadow. The carnage was brutal, with splintered branches and uprooted trees. And when those bulldozers moved out, they left behind a permanent change.

So, why did I think it could be any different with relationships? For some reason, I thought that when a destructive person moved away, everything would snap back to normal. I thought that people could simply bounce back into being happy and whole, that things would be okay.

Now I know it takes a long time to rebuild. I know the scenery has permanently changed. But, there is hope. With God, I am working at pushing broken logs to one side. Maybe kindness and love will take root.

(photo by Boris Hamer: pexels.com)

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Ending the war in our mind…

All sorts of voices can fill our minds. Belligerent ones of those who condemn. Gentle ones of those who love. But the loud ones often win the battle in taking over our minds.

I had thought that if ever those loud voices ceased, the battle would stop. It didn’t. My mind filled up with hurt instead, and this became as loud as those condemnations.

It has taken me years to stop the war. It came through writing those condemnations down, recording in detail what happened. And then I discovered why I kept reliving my past – I didn’t want to ever forget it. But by moving it from my mind to paper, enabled the memories to keep on going, just not inside my head.

Writing can end the war in our minds. And then we can hear the gentler voices around.

(photo by Lance Reis: pexels.com)