Category: a dictator’s brutality

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‘It wasn’t your fault.’

Sometimes people tell us, ‘It wasn’t your fault,’ especially when we struggle with our past. But we might push them away, for they obviously don’t know what went on.

But often those on the outside can see our lives better. They hear our stories and the guilt we have assumed. They see how we were made to feel responsible. We feel guilty for things we never did.

It takes a journey to move from shame to freedom. It takes accepting the invitation our friends have extended. For they long to see us living OUR lives and leaving behind the lies.

‘It wasn’t your fault,’ are releasing words. We can move on.

(photo by Pixabay – www.pexels.com)

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When taken hostage by gaslighting…

It can be deeply painful when someone hates us for doing good. It hurts when our sense of justice is mocked, because it doesn’t bow to their demands. The Bible puts it so well. ‘You have turned justice into poison and the fruit of righteousness into bitterness’ (Amos 6:12). These kinds of people will try to poison us, to gaslight us into agreeing with their reality.

But the Bible guides us when we are in danger of being taken as a hostage: ‘They shall never enter my rest’ (Psalm 95:11). We can say, ‘NEVER!’ We can say, ‘No! You can’t come in! You will not disturb my rest.’ We can choose who we let into our lives. We can choose those who love good.

(photo by Leonie Fahjen: pexels.com)

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Ruined…

Recently, bulldozers moved in, levelling a wood and meadow. The carnage was brutal, with splintered branches and uprooted trees. And when those bulldozers moved out, they left behind a permanent change.

So, why did I think it could be any different with relationships? For some reason, I thought that when a destructive person moved away, everything would snap back to normal. I thought that people could simply bounce back into being happy and whole, that things would be okay.

Now I know it takes a long time to rebuild. I know the scenery has permanently changed. But, there is hope. With God, I am working at pushing broken logs to one side. Maybe kindness and love will take root.

(photo by Boris Hamer: pexels.com)

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Finding the reason to live…

I have been to places so profoundly dark, that I couldn’t see my hand, even when I waved it in front of my eyes. Because, the absence of light is darkness.

I have been in places where leaders didn’t care if I was happy or sad, so long as they had control. They didn’t care if I was dying inside, as long as I did it in silence. But the absence of care is actually cruel. The absence of love invokes fear.

I have also experienced people who believed in me, who dared to tear down the blinders which had tricked me into darkness. Because – and this is true for many of us – in the presence of those who love us and care, we find our reason to live. We find that their ‘perfect love casts out fear.’*

*1 John 4:18 / (photo by RUN 4 FFWPU: www.pexels.com)

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Who defines me?

If I am surrounded by demanding voices, telling me who I should be, eventually I believe them. I begin to think differently. I act differently. And I forget who God meant me to be.

A young woman summed it up in one sentence: “My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I had to neglect.” (Song of Solomon 1:6) This precious woman forgot that she was an equal inheritor. Her father had given her a vineyard as well. And, no matter what anyone said, she too was worthy. She too had capability and talent. But with all that conditioning, she forgot and became a slave.

Oh, to remember that we are God’s children, that what HE gives us is ours.

Photo by Vince Fleming on Unsplash

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In search for humanness

In researching the life of a WWII refugee, this is what I conclude. When rulers lose their humility, they act brutally. When authorities lose their humility, they behave harshly. But it also shines the spotlight on me. For, I too can lose my humility. As a person once said, “When we thought we were right, we became monsters.”

But, Jesus steps into my life with his gentle voice, a voice so quiet it is easy to miss. “Learn from me,” he says, “for I am gentle and humble in heart.” (Matthew 11:29) He is the model for my uneducated heart. He teaches me how to become human again.