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Some DON’Ts and DOs when comforting others

  • Don’t yawn or fall asleep, even in a midnight conversation. A griever is fragile.
  • Don’t interrupt them to tell about something good in your life. A griever is vulnerable.
  • Don’t say that others have had it worse. A griever can easily be silenced.
  • Don’t think that comfort is only hugs – it could mean taking them for a walk. A griever needs variety.
  • Don’t promise that everything will turn out alright. A griever deserves honesty.

Some DOs…

  • Do respect their emotional boundaries. Grief can only be carried by the griever.
  • Do remember that as your life goes on, they will grieve in silence. Grief is ever-present.
  • Do keep it confidential, because it is their story to share, not yours. Grief is private.
  • Do promise that you will support them as best you can. Grief is overwhelming.

Yet, there is an even greater Comforter, the one who actually makes us better – God. ‘He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds’ (Psalm 147:3).

(photo by Karolina Grabowska: https://www.pexels.com)

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The domino effect

An unsettling thought seeped into my mind. Someone didn’t respect me. Why? Because I didn’t meet up with their personal expectations.

I looked out the window, stunned. Should I inform them of my inherent worthiness? Grieve at my helplessness in the situation? Or slam the door and walk away?

A verse came to mind.  Jesus “was despised and rejected…, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” (Isaiah 53:3) Yes, he grieved, but it didn’t change his attitude. He said, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.” (John 15:9)

It really can be a domino effect. Jesus treated everyone with dignity and respect, just like God treated him. We can do the same, even if we have to walk away.

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“Let my people go!”

When God sent Moses to Pharaoh, he wanted Moses to ask Pharaoh a request. “Let my people go!” Why was that necessary? God doesn’t need anyone’s permission to do what he wants. But God respected Pharaoh’s role. He was giving Pharaoh the chance to do what was right.     
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Instead Pharaoh revealed his true heart, and God showed Moses the consequence. “Pharaoh will refuse to listen to you – so that my wonders may be multiplied in Egypt.”(Exodus 11:9)

Just like for Pharaoh, God respects our role in life. But can we respect those around us? Can we let them thrive? God gives us a choice… and whichever way we chose, it decides which “wonders” we will see.
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