A memoir

I had to choose, him or life, him or God, him or love.

Four years ago my memoir was accepted by a major publisher, but then threatened with litigation. I had to withdraw.

The years drag on and I still don’t understand what God is doing. I had felt he wanted me to write my story and that he would make it like a light, shining in the darkness. Instead my book is the one sitting in darkness, a shroud draped over it.

I have searched my heart again and again. Should I have written my story? Was it right to show how God walked with me through dark times? Then I remember the verse that got me started. “That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched – this we proclaim concerning the Word of life.” (1 John 1:1) The story I wrote isn’t just my story, it is God’s as well. I experienced his father love. I felt his tender graciousness. I saw his unending compassion towards me. 

Yet, I constantly lose heart and God, in his mercy, encourages me: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord you God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

One day you will be able to read our story. God will set it free.

Eva Leaf